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my heart grows bigger every day, right along with those baby feet, fingers, and amazingly long eyelashes.

there are other things in my life besides my children, other things that make me smile, other things that fill my spirit and propel me forward. but these girls, this family, this love makes every other thing that much sweeter, that much bigger, that much more.

hope you had a great weekend, friends. xo

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friday morning when i left emma at school, she was emotional. one of the boys was teasing her a bit (opening her backpack and taking things out, touching her hair even after she told him to stop…harmless but certifiably annoying stuff like that), and i watched as she sat in line, frozen as a statue, turned more and more toward the wall. i could tell she was trying to make herself a rock, trying to keep herself from crying. i watched helplessly as tears finally spilled down her face (and was relieved when the teacher noticed and made the boy apologize).

learning to deal with the pests is part of life, isn’t it? learning to ignore when we need to ignore, and speak up when we need to. learning to put your chin up and take a deep breath. we also learn, particularly those of us that are a little extra-sensitive, that sometimes you just have to accept a heavy heart and a few spilled tears.

i know these lessons for myself; i’ve learned them and lived them, grown calluses in some spots and accepted that i’m always just going to be a bit weepy when the right mood hits. but as a mama…oy. watching my daughter try to be brave was absolutely heart-wrenching. as a mama, you’d give anything to stuff those tears back in, punish the little pest, and make it all easy.

…even when you know that you can’t make it better.
…even when you believe in your heart that being a soulful, sensitive, sincere spirit is worth it all in the end.

as i left, the teacher held emma’s hand, took her to the front of the line, and let her lead the way up to the classroom. em wiped her tears on her sweatshirt and didn’t look back.

by the end of the day, she was all smiles, my beautiful joyful girl.

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i’m trying to avoid someone else’s drama, despite being pulled in against my will. i’m trying to stay my own ground, keep truckin’, keep my head and my heart straight. i’m trying to stay awake and alert. i’m trying to help, but not take over. i’m trying to be good. i’m trying to clean things and organize things and get things settled from the inside out. it’s all taking awhile, and last night and this morning brought further shades of that drama. [insert melodramatic sigh here.]

when i was playing with the baby this morning, i found a card had fallen off my bulletin board and landed at my feet. this card, which i hand-wrote several years ago, lists the four agreements:

- Be Impeccable With Your Word.
- Don’t Take Anything Personally.
- Don’t Make Assumptions.
- Always Do Your Best.

…i needed those today, if only to remind me i really am on the right track.

hope your day is easy-peasy, my friends. be gentle with yourself. xoxo

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yes, i send out Halloween cards. why not? otherwise, despite all that time+money, three days later all you have left are ripped costumes, empty candy wrappers, and a leftover bowl of tootsie rolls.

this year the girls were Yoda and Princess Leia (other ideas we tossed around were “Mario and Luigi”, “Wonder Woman and Supergirl”, “Poodle-skirt girl and poodle,” and of course “Thing 1 and Thing 2″). i chose the costumes for cuteness, despite the fact that neither girl has seen any Star Wars movies.

for the parties + trick-or-treating, emma chose to be her new favorite princess, Jasmine (thank goodness for undershirts to alleviate full belly-exposure. despite the appearance of one kindergartener wearing a tight spandex cat suit, “age appropriate” is the way to go around here). oh, she had a blast.

have a fun day, everybody. xo

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we’re on our way to a wee photo shoot (with me ra koh ) for eliza; another fun adventure to add to our book. also, it’s snowing outside. in october. whee!

this is what i want to remember about today: we are together. we are laughing, listening to music, dancing around. we just got back from emma’s ballet class, where she was doing partner work and getting much better at her turn-out. bear is ironing a dress for emma while i feed the baby and em plays an exuberant game of Disney Bingo (“N-34, Simba is on a purple square!”). i want to remember that the snow is falling in giant white flakes outside our window, and it’s still early enough in the season that the weather is joyful, not a nuisance. i want to remember how excited emma is about halloween (another party this afternoon, after a fun fest at school yesterday), and how adorable eliza is in her Yoda hat. i want to remember striped scarves and hoodies, colorful rain boots kept just inside the door. i want to remember switching back and forth with bear over who gets to ‘wear’ the baby bjorn, because we both like holding her so close.

i want to remember how blessed and lucky we are, on such simple days, to have each other, to be right where we are.

xoxo

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