it makes me uncomfortable when i see little girls dressed like teenagers. i feel like it will be all too soon that we’re butting heads over how short is too short for a skirt, parsing the social pros and cons of dying her hair pink, or debating whether she’s old enough to wear eyeliner. i treasure the innocence and acceptance of mama’s judgement that we’ve got going on, and because emma doesn’t spend much time with older kids, she doesn’t really see many examples that make her want to push the boundaries very much (other than a general refusal to wear pants in the house).

nail polish is one of those little details i’ve been avoiding. oh, i’ll admit that it’s not just because i think bright chipped nail polish on a tiny tot is a little too much, a little too pageant-y; it’s also because i have nightmares about a kid getting into the polish herself, covering the floors and furniture and goodness knows what else with glittery finger paint.

in the midst of the recent heatwave, to celebrate the freedom of summer and the kid’s remarkable patience and self-entertaining during my frequent afternoon naps, i decided it was time. she picked out a light sparkly blue and settled in for her at-home spa treatment (in a chair in front of the tv, watching yo gabba gabba). she sat so perfectly still for 15 minutes while it dried, and for the following week she walked around with her hands held straight out for everyone to notice. she was so excited, and it made her feel like such a fancy big girl. it probably would’ve been no big deal in some households, but seeing how proud she was made me glad i’d waited for a “special day”; nail polish can keep being a rare treat for a while, and we’ve got a new reward for good behavior.

we all need extra sparkles sometimes.

* * *

~ i don’t have a “bucket list”.
~ i don’t own a “little black dress” (although i do have a pretty yellow dress stored away in the closet in the highly unlikely event i’m ever a size 6/8)
~ i’m not a member of any clubs, and every time i’ve joined one, i’ve remembered that i’m really not a clubby sort of person
~ i’ve only been out of the US once, but i still dream of living abroad
~ i don’t have a retirement fund
~ at last check, i was told i’m not eligible for life insurance
~ i’m not worried
~ i’m actually quite happy
~ there are a lot of people vying for my time and attention; it took me many years to accept that i can’t be everything to everyone
~ i accept that some people in life will simply take a lot more than they ever give back
~ i don’t want to be one of those people
~ i’m not religious, but i think of myself as a very spiritual person
~ i just wish we could all live in the most truthful, loving, honest way possible
~ i’m really good at keeping secrets
~ i like to sit and watch the clouds roll by in a bright blue sky
~ i believe fresh cherries in the summertime make life infinitely sweeter

* * *

those are my passing thoughts for this monday…hope your week starts off with inspiration and kindness.
you are loved. always.
xoxo

* * *

[quote]

“Do stuff. Be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration’s shove or society’s kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It’s all about paying attention. Attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. Stay eager.” ~ susan sontag

[random things]

~ this week, with the blinds closed to keep out the heat, the houseplant in the window grew by about four inches. apparently we all crave our time away from the direct light.

~ 15-minute photoshoots with emma, when we’re both enjoying the process and goofing around and no one’s withholding eye contact, are my favorite zen-restorers. this is the kind of quality time that makes me smile all day.

~ a friend of mine has a callback interview for a reality-tv show today.

~ i do not like the colors purple and orange together.

~ the doctor says i’m low on vitamin B12. is that an energy-boosting one?

~ i absolutely love this twirling tooth-fairy link (thanks EB!); it reminds me how easy and fun it is to create magic and fun in the everyday. we need a little more magic around here (and i’m not inclined to wait for lost teeth).

* * *

hope your weekend is filled with growth, magic, and perfect zen. thank you all so much for being exactly who you are.
much love, always. xoxo

* * *

* * *

i’m used to go-go-going. i’ve never slept much at night, and i like to think i can get through every task and project i set my mind to. it means a lot of frantic schedules and impossible-seeming projects finished just in time, but that’s the way i’m used to making it work. at the moment, though, i’m completely at the mercy of my body. i’m really not complaining (the end product will definitely be worth the nine-month process), but i’m finding myself in a position where i have to adjust my expectations and acceptance of myself. i’m having to slow down, do nothing, take more time than i’d like to get to things, accept that there are other things i just can’t do right now. i’m finding that i feel weak – mentally and physically – and even though it’s my typical instinct to push back and make it all happen no matter how i feel, this time i’m just accepting that my body is the one calling the shots. it’s humbling and hard for me, but i’m learning from the downtime, too. i have to let go of things, have to work from the inside out, taking care of myself and my family first. i have to take it slowly, and be patient with my current limitations.

today will be a success if i can do the following:

~ wash my hair
~ get my printer to work
~ go to the post office
~ get emma to tap class on time
~ drink more water
~ not melt in the heat
~ laugh heartily

that’s not asking too much, right?
right?

* * *

whatever you’re doing today, i hope you’re being easy on yourself, too. it’s pretty dang liberating.
xoxo

[trips to the ice cream shop are good for the soul, too]

[somebody should alert the sartorialist...]

[because this kid really knows how to make street fashion work with a $5 dress and a $7 pair of shoes.]

* * *

we’re hiding from the outside world (the place where the heat index is 107-degrees and my entire being feels like it’s melting after about three minutes’ exposure), keeping the blinds closed and the fans running. we’re building tents and reading books and watching too much television, lying down to rest (and keep the room from spinning), and putting off all the required work for one more day. i turn on the air conditioner at night, but with the blinds and the fan and the daytime napping, we’re trying not to be too much drain on the daytime electric grid (to this, my husband says “don’t be a hero”; i know i just dread the day the ConEd bill arrives).

i’ve been craving sushi like nobody’s business. and chewing gum. and i had an entire afternoon where i convinced myself i needed an apple computer, but i think i’m over that (enough life changes going on at the moment, thank you. besides, i’m saving my pennies for a fancy stroller, a new crib, and a whole new set of uniforms for emma…fun stuff). i’m just waiting for my energy to come back (i cleaned the bathroom monday, and was useless for the rest of the day), looking forward to some upcoming getaways, and trying to get everything necessary done without missing my much-needed nap-times.

every night before bed, emma gives me a snuggle and kisses “baby beauty” via my belly. it’s one of the sweetest moments of my day.

* * *

hope you’re having sweet dreams (and daydreams of cooler weather), too. xoxo