this is emma’s dog, two-ey.

she wishes we could have a real dog, but our lease doesn’t allow it, and i’m too attached to the gorgeous light and dear neighbors in our building to ever think of leaving. also: the cats would never forgive me. (zooey cat’s still mad because we adopted a second feline, and that was six years ago…)

it’s a shame emma can’t have a dog of her own, because she really seems to understand the special magic of the barking class.

this is our buddy jake’s dog, briggs.
sometimes we schedule playdates with dogs (and their owners) just to get some puppy love.

* * *

speaking of love: i’m the subject of this week’s interview on my mom’s blog.
(#1: yes, my imaginary friends were jan and cindy brady, until jan got really annoying and cindy and i stopped hanging around with her…
#2: thanks, mama. xoxo)

hello, friends. hope your week has gotten off to a grand start. the last few days were good ones for us; em went ice skating for the first time, my concertizing went well, we did indeed find time for that family bruncheon, and the sun looks like it’s sticking around for a while.

good stuff.

if i’m being honest, though, i’ve got to admit that feeling a just a little melodramatically cranky (the kind of cranky that makes me want to lecture young people and grown men on the bus when they don’t give up their seats for the elderly, while at the same time wanting to lecture the elderly about how to get the heck out of my way when i’m trying to walk down the right side of the sidewalk, which should be easy enough as long as no one slowly and oppressively takes up the entire sidewalk, even though the sidewalks obviously have room for a slow-lane and a passing lane… the kind of cranky that makes me want to roll my eyes and laugh out loud at annoying mean-people (and every clerk at every Duane Reade). this particular cranky happens every month or so, and i know it well enough to just keep my headphones on, only dare speak to people i really really like, and take a deep breath and think before any sort of outburst.

these cyclical annoyances aside, i think i’m a pretty positive person (some of you that know me too well are laughing at that sentence. i don’t mean i never *vent* or enjoy a good laugh at idiocy, i just mean, well, i think that despite some pretty big daily challenges that i have to deal with, i generally feel….happy). on the wall in our walk-in closet, i keep a copy of bruce mau’s incomplete manifest for growth. i read it every few days, and it grounds me a little bit. one of the lists i’ve been making this year (in my brand new moleskine journal) is a manifesto of my own. sometimes i don’t notice how happy these things make me until i’ve forgotten to do them…. this collection of ramblings is helping me recognize just how much these little details matter in my own big happy picture.

the beginnings of my happy-life manifesto (your details may vary):

~ always make your bed in the morning. it only takes a couple minutes, and this orderliness helps establish your state of mind for the whole day. (i’m kind of crazy about this. if for some reason the bed is un-made at bedtime, i have to fully make the bed before i can climb in and go to sleep. did i say kind of crazy?)

~ don’t leave dirty dishes in the sink (they just add to clutter and become one more thing “to do”). wash them as you use them…

~ wear the things that make you happy. the other day, somebody said she liked my red cowgirl boots but wasn’t sure she’d “ever have the nerve to wear them”. i don’t think it’s about ‘nerve’. i like the way they feel, i like the way they look, and i’m not trying to follow some fashion trend; i never have thought about what other people might think. not when it comes to shoes, anyway.

~ along those same lines: eat off your favorite dishes (why bother having ‘good china’ if you’re not going to enjoy it?), wear colorful accessories, and go ahead and dye your hair blonde even if you’ve been a redhead for more than half your life…

~ smile at people. often. (be warned, though: when i was let go from my first temp job in the city, many years and many jobs ago, my boss said this in her review of me “she smiles too much. anyone who smiles that much is probably hiding something.” ….but see? smiling so much saved me from having to work with a crazy-bitter person like that! also, for the record: i’m not hiding anything. i’m just from the midwest; we’re smiley folks.)

~ sing and/or dance every day. if it happens to be your job to sing (wow, what a great job, huh?), sing something completely unrelated to your work. the idea is to let go and remember how soothing and amazing music can be. like the beastie boys said in that immortal song professor booty, “i been through many times in which i thought i might lose it. the only thing that saved me has always been music.”

~ laugh out loud. every day. my very favorite moments in life involve crying because i’m laughing so hysterically. total release.

~ if you love somebody, tell them you love them. your friends, your family, that one colleague you always look forward to seeing… whatever words you need to use, just take time to tell people they mean something to you. this has an exponential energy about it; you’ll start to notice more things and people you love, and they will too…

~ be who you are. keep trying to be a better version of yourself, but don’t ever think you’re supposed to be anybody other than yourself.

~ notice the little things around you. what were the colors of the sunset today? when are those tulips going to finally open their buds? where the heck do all those sidewalk paperclips come from?

~ whenever you’re feeling confused and solitary, read The Little Prince. it’s wise. and sad.

~ keep fresh flowers in the house as often as you can. i’m a big fan of inexpensive bouquets and single stems of beautiful color.

~ when all else fails: be sure to have a secret stash of very good chocolate. save it for a rainy day and replenish as needed.

* * *

“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.” ~ George Sand

* * *

i’m getting ready for a full weekend of singing and photo-editing; there’s lots of work to be done, starting with a dress rehearsal this afternoon. emma’s in her room with the door shut and i hear her turning up the music on her cd player. it’s a cd i recorded in college with The Singing Hoosiers and The Cincinnatti Pops Orchestra, The Magical Music of Disney; it means a lot to me, and emma can’t quite believe there are so many people she knows singing on that recording.

the sun is shining bright through the windows, and i’m so very grateful for the abundance of warm light in our apartment.

i’m grateful for the weekend, even though i’m working through most of it. hopefully i can meet up with the family and sneak away for late brunch after rehearsal; it’s my favorite weekend ritual…good company, sweet family time, extra laughter, a very good goat cheese omelet and a bloody mary.

life is good.
hope your weekend is relaxing and joyful.
xoxo

[i can never get enough pictures of the kid out and about in new york city, her hometown]

* * *

random things:

~ contents of my coat pockets, before i emptied them out today: four crayons, nine paperclips, two adult gloves, two small mittens, metrocard, ipod earbud headphones (never used), keyring with two keys, one pink blackberry. no wonder i was feeling so cluttered!
.
.

~ for the last few nights, we’ve been reading Alice in Wonderland at bedtime. it’s an annotated copy, illustrated sparsely with those original pencil drawings; i thought emma would get bored once she realized the lack of any disneyfication, but she’s been begging for me to read her chapter after chapter, listening intently. it’s probably because my (various and varied) british accents are so awesome while i’m narrating (ha!)
.
.

~ we’ve been talking a lot about prayer lately (ok, they’re learning about prayer in school and now emma wants to talk about it all the time), and making a point to pray before meals and bed. my favorites of the last week were sunday when she started our dinner prayer “Dear Mom, thank you for this delicious meal…”,
tonight’s prayer: “Dear God, you are the most awesome and favorite God ever…”,
and a week ago on the subway when she looked over and said “Hey! Let’s pray now!”

i have to admit, it really makes me giggle. she’s gonna fit in so well next time we visit my family in The Bible Belt (so long as no one asks about her politics…)

* * *

a few things i love:

~ clear glass bottles
~ fresh bunches of ranunculus on early spring days
~ saltwater sandals (so classic and simple, would look best with a simple 50’s sundress + petticoat. not that i have one…)
~ perfect squares and very straight lines
~ wynton marsalis
~ three potato four shop (this manhattan print has been on my wishlist for ages)
~ crack pie and cereal milk from momofuku milk bar

i’ve always loved Dr. Seuss, because my mom has always loved Dr. Seuss, and she’s one of the best read-alouders you’ll ever meet. in my childhood copy of The Cat in the Hat, i used a crayon to color some things in the book. namely, i took a black crayon and marked out the angry buzzkill goody-two-shoes (but very correct) fish every time he appears in the book. (this is funny considering how much more fish-like i am, as opposed to that naughty cat.) every time we get to the pages where i colored the fish, emma says “Who did that, and WHY?!” she’d never dream of coloring in her own books and can’t believe Grandma JoJo “allowed” me to color in mine….

truth is, JoJo probably didn’t notice, because i was reading this one myself from age three (I also used scissors to cut fringe in my favorite Grover book; Emma REALLY goes crazy when we read that one!). i always remember reading Seuss, and i’ve always loved reading Seuss; his cadences are a trip for the tongue, and as an adult i’ve realized that his stories are so very wise.

when i was pregnant, mom sent a special Seuss book for me to read to The Baby Bumble in utero; i read it every day for months, before and after she made her appearance in the outside world. as i was taking these pictures, i recited The Cat in the Hat aloud to her/with her as she turned the pages. she has that same look i always did: she’s known these books all her life, and i think she’s a great lover of books, too.

i am so easily sentimental, to say nothing of whimsical and silly. but on this occasion of his birthday, and as Emma is celebrating Dr. Seuss week at school, and as i’m feeling grateful and joyful and lucky, i just want to say thank you.

for making me a reader.
and a listener.
and a thinker of very big thinks.

. . .

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own.
And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go.”

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”

~ Dr. Seuss

today’s listening: Seussical the Musical
(of course!)

~ the sun came out yesterday (hello, march. nice to see you), and it was neither windy nor freezing. i was ostensibly out running errands, but gave in to the urge to stretch out like a kitten, sitting in the sun with a book of poetry, a hot cup of tea and some great music. within 30 minutes i felt taller, more optimistic, and so much clearer. i might be ready for spring (because i’d like to replay this scene without wearing a winter coat).

~ as i was going to church the other day, i saw a man and his son walking toward me. the boy was probably about nine, and was telling a story, while his dad (a big burly guy) occasionally asked a question. when they came to the curb, without pausing in the story or even making eye contact with each other, the father very subtly put his hand out, and the boy grabbed and held his hand as they crossed the street. it struck me as such an intimate, tender movement, something they had clearly done many times before.

~ yesterday i ran into another mom from emma’s summer ‘09 tap class, someone i quite liked, but haven’t made contact with since then. we only had time for quick “hi! bye! great to see you!” as i was in a rush to pick up our neighbor from school. as we walked away, she turned back, waved and, so sweetly, blew a kiss (the nyc in-a-rush equivalent to the cheek-kiss). it was so spontaneous and kind, and it was so nice to see her again. i love little moments like that.

other little things that make me happy:

~ making waffles for the family in the mornings. em’s current favorite are waffles with nutella (whilst i eat mine plain, hoping that such acts of caloric abstinence will finally pay off).

~ rediscovering a forgotten piece of jewelry, then wearing it everywhere for a week, feeling like it’s brand new

~ wearing red cowboy boots. or green ones. or mocassin boots with fringe that makes a determined “fwip” sound with every step

~ flying a kite, or watching someone you love fly one against a perfect blue sky

~ songs that make you want to listen over and over on a loop, singing along every time

~ finding that thing you wanted is on sale, just when you’d decided to buy

~ reading aloud

~ putting the last piece in a jigsaw puzzle

~ holding the camera at waist level and taking a picture without looking

saturday morning, emma raided the costume box. our first visitor was this little purple number, which is supposed to be some sort of “Dora Princess” thing, but looks to me more like a miniature version of something Carrie would’ve worn on SATC (ie: a little bit of what my mom calls “hoochie mama” with some couture ruffles to ‘class it up’). i like the shoes. and the decision to add an orange santa-hat with the purple dress shows a fashionista who’s willing to take risks.

fortunately, Dora Princess didn’t stick around for long. after 15 minutes, snow white showed up.

she’s our favorite princess, but she was apparently feeling a little drab. emma came out in the dress and immediately decided “it needs somefing else…”

i think the belt was just the right touch. not sure about the flower-headband.

you’ll never guess who showed up next!

cinderella (who wisely remembered that her dress is itchy, and had the foresight to wear a t-shirt underneath)! she jumped on the furniture; princesses are rule-breakers like that.

cinders wasn’t long for our living room, either. next thing i knew, an “i love ny superhero” had arrived. everyone knows that superheroes don’t wear pants. duh.

after a few flights around the apartment, our superhero retired. emma declared it was Cupcake Baking time (and who am i to argue? we love baking).

it was great fun. and soon enough daddy got off work and we met him at our favorite pub…which now has a ski-ball machine!

just a normal snowday at Chez Jose, the kind of “uneventful day” that reminds me why i keep the camera always charged and ready to shoot.

(also, that last snapshot is illustration of the fact that i would post a very-blurry picture of the kid, just because i actually like the way my jawline looks for a change. we all need to see our best side sometimes, right?)

i can’t tell you how relieved i am for february to be coming to a close. it’s a long cold month and always gives me the blues. i kind of hibernated my way through it, but it still has managed to leave me a little fragile. we’re in the middle of a foot or two of snow, and the last 11 songs on my itunes shuffle were about sunny warm beaches…not nice.

hope you’re all weathering it well. there are brighter times ahead to be sure. (according to my calendar, in 22 days we will be partying in the World of Mickey with the rest of the Casey Fam!)

. . .

this is a picture of my mama, who is beautiful even when she’s sad. in this picture she was sad because we were saying goodbye. this week she’s been a little sad because of her birthday (she’s only 57 this year. i don’t quite understand the math, but i’m pretty sure mom and i are getting closer in age). she gets a little caught in her head sometimes, missing the people that we’ve lost, replaying the life she’s lived so far, deciding what to do next.

all i can say is this: my mother is the strongest person i’ve ever known. the things she’s been through…well, you wouldn’t believe me if i told you, so let’s just say there have been many many challenges on the way. she never made her struggles mine, but she never hid her real life from me, either (i believe that gave me strength, too, and the honesty she’s always given me is something i treasure). for many years of my young-childhood it was just the two of us, and despite how difficult those days must have been, i remember laughing a lot, playing a lot, reading a lot, singing a lot, and truly enjoying each other’s company. we’re tied together pretty tightly, which sometimes makes life a little difficult for both of us, but also makes us both terribly lucky. i know her inside and out, i’m grateful for her love and support, and i love her more than words could ever express.

happy belated birthday mom. you are, always have been, always will be my hero, my favorite poet, my dearest friend.

xoxo

. . . . .

“I believe in kindness. Also in mischief. Also in singing, especially when singing is not necessarily prescribed.”
~ Mary Oliver

. . .

“Instructions for living a life.
Pay attention.
Be astonished.
Tell about it.”
~ Mary Oliver

. . .

“if the only prayer you said
in your whole life was ‘thank you’
that would suffice”

~Meister Eckhart

. . . . .

ah, i love quotes like these. for 25 years i’ve been writing them down in little notebooks, revisiting them and reclaiming them. little bits of wisdom and thought. voices that carry.

happy weekend, friends. may your days be filled with raucous laughter, sweet quiet times, well-intentioned chaos, unexpected joys, and unconditional love. xoxo

it’s Friday already?
that was fast.

. . . . .

very random things:

~ the Mahler symphony i sang this week got a nice review in the NY Times. i love my job, even when it’s a relatively small part of the whole picture

~ 20 years ago i visited nyc for the first time and became immediately determined to live here someday. i’m still in love.

~ i believe that chocolate + caramel = a mighty fine combination

~ i love johnny weir, and not just because he has such beautiful skin

~ speaking of beautiful skin…how much does botox cost? my increasingly creased forehead really wants to know. just for reference, of course.

~ i need to drink more water

~ i don’t really care for water all that much (unless i’m bathing in it. i do appreciate a nice hot bath)

~ i found two (and a half) paperclips this week

~ and a penny