* * *

Here’s what happened:

People needed my attention. Grown people that launched into private stories and expected me to keep their secrets without ever asking if I want to hold their secrets. They needed my time and perspective and sage advice, and I didn’t know how to abstain. But it was exhausting. And precarious. Because every story has more than one side, and at least two sides of this story were being jammed into my brain. It felt like junior high, but with much bigger stakes and much more delicate balance.

I was walking that tightrope, wearing the stress and bearing a few new wrinkles (and acne. really? you should not be able to have wrinkles and pimples at the same time.). I was walking that tightrope, working on some other projects, trying to ignore our finances, starting a new job prospect, begging for donations for the school auction, ignoring the laundry and dust.

But the baby…this small, speed-crawling, sweet-babbling, funny-smiling baby started looking glassy-eyed and wheezy-sounding. This baby didn’t fuss, but she didn’t sleep well, and she didn’t eat, and she just didn’t seem like herself. We stopped what we were doing, and the doctor diagnosed a double ear-infection; prescribed antibiotics for the ears and a nebulizer for the breathing.

And with that, all that other drama started feeling so small to me. I stopped having time or energy to worry too much about those grown adults wanting me to take their side. I decided to let them go, let them manage themselves (well…within reason. it’s still a work-in-progress). I stopped and held this baby close, just snuggled her and napped with her and bathed her and sang to her. I stopped and remembered who really needs me, and shifted my focus back in that direction.

And while I was focusing, I think I saw that baby grow before my very eyes. It’s amazing what the right kind of attention can yield.

* * *

* * *

oh, hello!

i really didn’t mean to abandon this little space for the last month, but apparently i needed a break. there were a few major (major!) projects hanging over my head, two little girls’ birthdays to plan and orchestrate, some personal business that (despite my best intentions) i got entangled in, and many days spent working on the school auction and yearbook. i’ve been so busy/tired/otherwise entertained that i haven’t edited more than four or five personal pictures in 2012. it’s felt like i was forgetting a part of myself, but it was necessary beyond words.

soooo…let’s start fresh, shall we?

* * *

hello, world. welcome to the little spot where i dump my favorite pictures and rambling bits of conversation.

i’ve missed you. there’s so much to share.

xoxo

* * *

[eliza belle (sticking her tongue out, playing with her food), 1st birthday]

[oh, the cheeks!]

[Robert Indiana LOVE statue, Indianapolis. very late 2011]

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[good things]

~ annual pictures at the LOVE statue
~ 60-degree days in january
~ hand-addressed envelopes
~ indiana basketball
~ breakfast at tiffany’s (although it’s terribly sad when she throws cat out of the cab…)

[not-so-good things]

~ baby with a fever
~ going to the dentist on a freezing morning. having my mouth numbed to fix a cavity. power going out in the office, causing dentist’s drill to stop working before the work is finished.
~ having to return to the dentist next week (and twice next month. eek.)
~ cravings caused by giving up diet coke and artificial sweeteners

* * *

ah well…
hope your weekend is filled with lots of love and way more good than bad.
xoxo

* * *

the way we run through the holidays is always *just this short* of being hectic/frantic/absolutely insane. any week with 32 hours+ of driving is just a wee bit exhausting, but it was great; we feel so lucky to have seen/spent so much time with some very dear people. pictures/photo-evidence coming shortly, right after i unpack, find room for all the new toys, grocery shop, find/book a spot/send invitations for the girls’ birthday celebration, go to the post office, wrap the secret santa gift for tonight’s “staff christmas party” at church, and pour more orange juice for my still under-the-weather spouse.

i’m excited for the new year, excited for the possibilities, the promise, and that extra day in february (leap years really are the best). in the spirit of perpetual and obsessive list-making, here are the words i chose to guide me through…

[12 for 2012]

~ prosperity
~ patience
~ magnetism
~ harmony
~ advantageous
~ abundance
~ kindness
~ impeccable
~ stretch
~ punctuality
~ magic
~ generosity

* * *

* * *

i’ve been playing carols on the piano, the kids have been playing with new blocks and books and wrapping paper (all eliza wants for christmas is paper). we’ve had donuts and coffee. we’ve danced and laughed and made plenty of merry so far.

there’s still plenty of christmas left to celebrate, and this year we’re taking our time.

hope you’re feeling festive and loved, my friends. you really are the best.
xoxo

* * *

* * *

happy birthday (or un-birthday, as the case may be)!
my mama’s in town and we have very very good tickets to see mandy patinkin and patti lupone.
we also may do a little shopping for the perfect anti-aging potions and/or botox-injecting doctors…
all this smiling is giving me laugh lines, and i’m apparently not getting any younger.

cheers!

* * *

* * *

between emma’s dress rehearsals/drama show, my usual singing gigs + extra december rehearsals and concerts, directing a children’s choir, breakfast with santa, parents’ week at ballet, christmas caroling with friends, decorating the tree, hosting a lovely houseguest for most of the month, and partying like a college-kid all last weekend, i’ve managed to catch a cold, lose my voice, and get suuuuper-duper sleepy. i’ve also managed to go with the flow, stop worrying about perfection, laugh a lot, and finish a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle with emma.

i’m still finishing up some details (and have yet to finish our christmas cards or wrap a single gift), but this december has been really fun so far.

[back soon with more details and photographic evidence. xoxo]

* * *

* * *

~ i wish i were more organized.
~ i wish i had more time off.
~ i wish money wasn’t an object in decision-making.
~ i wish our extended family lived closer to nyc.
~ i wish our tree was already up.
~ i wish my health was better.
~ i wish i could hurry through these last few projects.
~ i wish i could stop saying “oh, i’m so crazy-busy!”

~ i’m grateful for people who help.
~ i’m grateful for people who understand.
~ i’m grateful for baby-giggles at the end of long days.
~ i’m grateful for the best-behaved kindergartener in school.
~ i’m grateful for the radio city christmas spectacular and lovelies to share it with.
~ i’m grateful for trust and confidence.
~ i’m grateful to know that if i make it through this week, the next one will be smooth sailing.

i think i can, i think i can, i think i can…

* * *

* * *

Today, the last day of November, is my dad’s birthday. He’s still young, handsome and strong. He’s also loved and treasured beyond belief. Also: he’s funny, and very good at fixing things.

We are so blessed+lucky in this life, and right at the top of my “wonderful things i don’t take for granted” list is this: i have two healthy, kind-hearted, and loving parents.

Happy birthday, Daddy. I love you. We all love you.

Cheers to days well-spent, lives lived with authenticity, and people that are content to be exactly who they are, with no pretension or apology. Cheers to grandpas with strong hands and quiet expressions of love.

xoxo

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