why, hello there! fancy seeing you here. [insert lame excuses here ("busy! sick! working! sleepy! etc!") as to why i haven't blogged in a week, and let's get on with it, yeah? thankyouverymuch.]

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[random list: i think, but i'm not entirely sure, it's wednesday]

~ i know it’s lame to go on about the weather, but “29-degrees (feels like 21)” feels mighty bone-chilling when you don’t own a coat. i mean, i DO have a coat, but it’s four sizes too big and has lost all its buttons (who has time to find/repair buttons on a coat that’s four sizes too big?)… i can’t just stay inside, because outside’s where the good light is and my soul thrives on good-picture days. maybe i should at least try to locate some gloves.
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~ so since i’m getting a little, um, antsy about the weather, you might start thinking it’s silly to be going to the Beach (no not a warm one, a cold but beautiful new england one) next week. ha! our room has a view and a fireplace, and our kid looooves the cold, so i’m feeling confident that we can withstand some beautiful walks and seashell hunts and picture shoots as long as the prospect of “nowhere to be and unlimited coffee waiting right inside” looms.
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~ i entered the lottery for tickets to the inauguration (thanks senator!), but it states that there’s a two-ticket limit per household. do soon-to-be-age-three people require their own tickets, and if so, is it fair to leave one of her parents out of such a historic day? it’s seeming more and more likely that we’ll watch the big day from home (or maybe Times Square or some other gathering of folks) and just take a day-trip to visit with the Bobama Family once the cherry blossoms are in bloom… (Oh, and did you watch The Bobamas on 60 Minutes last week? i really do love them. love.)
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~ did a photoshoot over the weekend with my neighbor’s 4-day-old. oh so smooshy and lovey and perfect… but i’m going to admit something: i’m still glad i get to give the baby back to the parents and go home baby-free at the end of the shoot. i mean, i thought by this point (since my baby is a Big Guwl) i’d be new-baby-craving, but i’m really not. i’m so content with our threesome, and it suprises me just how much i love it. not to say it’ll never change….just to say i sure like it Just the Way We Are right now.
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~ i’m reading Toni Morrison’s new book, a mercy. she’s my favorite author (inasmuch as i’ve read everything she’s ever written and i have loved almost all of it, and have to buy her books the moment they’re released) but this one isn’t exactly pulling me in so far.
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~ going tomorrow to get a direct hook-up for the ipod and siruis radio installed in the car. the fm-transmitter thing is just maddening, and the idea of being able to listen to our playlists AND our fancy radio with no static make me want to get in the car and drive for days and days. (mom, we’ll pick you up on the way and ride all the way to vegas…)
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~ baking roundup [things i've baked in the last week]: madeleines (delicious and so fluffy and golden), coconut macaroons (perfectly sticky and yum), pistachio macaroons (on my third and FINAL attempt, still do not resemble macaroons in any way. tasty but wrong. i’m retiring my dream of being a macaroon-baker and going back to my pie-diner on the roadside of the lavender farm…)
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~ my new, humble and ultimate goal in life: to be a gay icon. Judy, Barbra, Madonna, and ME. um…help?
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~ my neighbor’s dad (who is Scottish but has lived in Australia for the last 20 years) described me as “the lovely British girl with blonde hair” after having met me twice. Now, you KNOW it’s always been a dream of mine to be British…but, um…. is my accent really that thick, or is it just my general ladylike demeanor?
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~ i’m not one of those “my kid’s more genius-y than your kid” people, but i’d like to point out that she can read as well in french as she can in english. case in point:

~ dreck like Shrek on broadway is bleak enough, but now opera companies are starting to drop like flies.  Opera Pacific is closing for sure, there are perilous rumors swirling about Baltimore Opera as well as at least five others, not to mention that City Opera is totally in shreds (Mortier proved to be as ridiculous a choice as he seemed) and realistically probably as dead as the rest.  i’ve already felt the impact in the short-term (only four performances with a Big Company where once they had scheduled six), but i’m starting to sincerely worry about the long-term. stupid effing economy.  stupid effing banks and lenders and arts-donors strapped for cash.  …and i fear it’s only a matter of time before the churches start cutting back their music budgets as well.

~ why is it so hard to find one piece of bedroom furniture that can house our computer, tv, and a couple drawers-full of clothing?  and when i find things that look almost right, WHY must the pricetag be so beyond my downtrodden-ecomony budget?

~ oh my gosh i need new headshots.  right this minute.  and i don’t want to dip into my travel fund to make it happen.  i need to get some background paper or something and just take them myself, yeah?  argh.

~ why can’t emma’s school have them make art projects with just paper and paint?  i’m tired of devoting space to 3D boxes that are supposed to be houses (or maybe a lighthouse?  or a church?  or?  i have no idea, and neither does emma), but instead look like copper-painted prison towers with pipe cleaners stuck in the top.

~ i’m singing 7 services and a wedding this weekend.  too bad i still can’t shake this horrible coughing cold thing.  i recently read that warm chai with bailey’s irish cream makes a good substitute for a hot toddy…. tonight diet coke’s gonna have to be the thing, though.

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[i love]

~ long lunches with old friends. got together with Ryan and Brian yesterday, and it’s just so warm and easy to spend time together, chatting over everything and nothing.

~ crest cinnamon ice toothpaste

~ perfect gingerbread

~ bargain-shopping

~ jo malone’s nutmeg & ginger body cream, combined with the orange blossom spray. absolute mood-lifting, spirit warming, optimism in a scent.

~ the smell of baby powder and baby lotion (mustela and good old johnson & johnson’s)

~ being early

~ whichever one of my neighbors left a bag of (unused) skincare products by the elevator with a post-it saying “i’m free! take me!”

~ that emma swears the peace sign on my shirt (silver and sequined, perfect bedazzled goodness on a little black t-shirt) is a pretzel. every time i say “em, it’s a peace sign!” she corrects me: “no, mom! it’s a pretzel, silly!”

~ things that actually turn out like i envisioned them in my head.  (see also: this sour cream apple pie.  so delicious!)

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[obsessing over, repeatedly]

~ grooming my eyebrows, not too much, not too little, but just right. my arches aren’t the same, and plucking makes my eyes water (okay, it makes me cry like a baby). once i get them right, i can hardly ever resist doing just a “little more”, which gives me a persistent and gnawing fear that i’ll become one of those old women with no brows, just big dark penciled-in orbs. i get them waxed at the salon, but the in-between maintenance is making me tweaky.

~ crafty little touches for the holiday season; i’m so excited to put up the tree this year! you won’t be surprised to know it’s going to have a liberal helping of perfect white starfish and seashell garland…

~ getting Emma into school next year. $6200 for Pre-K 3, and i’ve been in NYC long enough that sounds [almost] reasonable?? *deep breaths*

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[reading, now]

~ “Songs Without Words” by Ann Packer
~ “Stiff: the curious lives of human cadavers” by Mary Roach
~ “How to be a Domestic Goddess: Baking and the Art of Comfort Cooking” by my new ladyfriend Nigella Lawson

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[where i'm going]

~ thanksgiving: Cape Cod
~ after-christmas/pre-new year: Sunny Southern Indiana
~ inauguration day: Washington DC
~ 2009, date tbd: England, with my mummy (gotta get that passport updated!)
~ 2009, date tbd: Chicago, to give the never-my-favorite-city another chance and take my honeybear to eat at Alinea
~ 2009, spring/summer/fall: California. house hunting? who knows…
~ right this minute: Em’s school…it’s time for our friday “pizza/playground ’til you drop from exhaustion” outing. ciao!

~ i think i’ve got some kind of post-election hangover. my head hurts, my throat is scratchy and dry (oy! this coughing!), bright lights are killing my eyes, and i get a little woozy if i stand up for too long. i mean, sure…this could be the flu, but it’s more likely just my body getting rid of the angst-y toxins of the last eight years, right?

~ thank you america, for being a place i’m proud to call home today. even in my flu-like state, i’m over the moon with excitement. (side note: boo to you, Prop 8-ers! you’re everything i hate about “religion”)

~ this has been such an emotional week, what with the election and all these anniversaries (in addition to my NYiversary, this week also marks the week my grandma and aunt bernie died)…i do like to take some time to reflect on all the memories, like a warm soak. i’m sorry to say that mom has cancelled her visit this weekend (feel better, mummy), but i’m pretty much hibernating anyway.

~ of course, i’m also hibernating because the time change never fails to kick my ass. i do not appreciate full darkness before 5pm. i just don’t.

~ now that the election’s over, i’m excited to get back to important things (like watching all those neglected shows on the dvr, finishing our christmas cards, practicing my rockette dance routines, and redecorating our bedroom on a very-minimal budget)

emma’s first election: she voted a straight ticket, and chanted “President Bomama” all the way home

i want to write one of my lists, or something fun and fruity, or something thoughtful and light and not too pointed, but really….i just can’t ring one up right now. i’m so nervous, so moody and anxious and excited and scared and cautiously optimistic, and just generally obsessed. to some people it’s just an election, i suppose, but it just feels so incredibly important to me; such a matter of right and wrong. i don’t believe the poll numbers, won’t believe the outcome until it’s official, but i have HOPE. lots and lots of HOPE. that we can get this right, and get back on track. i want it so badly my teeth ache and my head hurts and that line in my forehead is getting deeper by the hour… but still, i have HOPE.

oh wait, ok. here’s a list, just a little one. let’s call it
[things i really really want now]:

~ emma to grow up knowing President Obama
~ NO on prop 8, YES on domestic partnerships/marriage for all responsible adults, without discrimination
~ a clear, uncontested outcome at the end of election night
~ peace, peacefulness, confidence in the future
~ a good bottle of wine, a nice evening in, and the ability to perfect the pistachio macaroon recipe which (after two tries) still eludes me

cheers, friends.

~ reading: “The Falls” (by Joyce Carol Oates), and “An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness” (by Kay Redfield Jamison)

~ discovering: Nigella Lawson’s “How to Be a Domestic Goddess” cookook.  i don’t know how i’ve managed to avoid Nigella all this time (i honestly don’t think i’ve ever seen her.  i am so partial to My Martha that i tend to avoid anyone who i think is trying to out-martha her), but this cookbook (which i do not own, but have ‘borrowed for the day’ from my neighbor) is soooo awesome! 

~ baking: macaroons (tomorrow.  ok, or maybe saturday.)

~ already baked this week: two apple pies (for two different neighbors.  i have to deliver them fresh out of the oven to avoid taking a bite) and a ginger spice cake

~ knitting: a pink-and-puwple striped hat

~ sewing: an adult-sized brown swingy skirt.  it will be so cute if i ever find a minute to finish tailoring it.

~ did you know?: i make a mean pot of chili (one of the life-skills my mama gave me).  there’s leftovers on the stove if you want to come see for yourself.

~ thinking of buying: a big-girl loft-bed for emma.  it looks like a castle, has a tent and a slide, and in the tented part underneath, all her “stuff” could fit neatly and out of sight.  mom says this is crazy (i think she means the “slide” part, not the “stuff-out-of-the-way” part), but i’ve had it in my online shopping cart for weeks and think i’m finally ready to go for it.

~ smiling at: the fact that emma is finally wearing ribbons and alice-bands in her hair.  it’s so girly-cute.

~ listening to: Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa (by Vampire Weekend), which is awesome and catchy because it name-checks three of my very favorite, most romaniticized things: Cape Cod, Peter Gabriel, and Benetton.  and just so you know….the “kwassa kwassa” is a dance (thank you, wikipedia).

~ dreaming about: Cape Cod, of course.  still.  going for two days last month was such an amazing time, but it was like having a little tiny-bite-sized appetizer; i’m craving the whole meal!  specifically, i’m dreaming of a quiet house in walking distance of the beach, shared for a week with family and friends, quiet strolls around town, quaint little shops, fish and chips, and evenings by the sea… (actually, i’m dreaming of living there, but keep telling myself “the winters would kick your ass…” sigh.  the grass is always greener, yeah?  oh, and did you know it’s possible to grow a lavender farm there?  it is!) 

~ literally dreaming about: i’ve been having horrible anxiety-dreams about the election.  two nights ago i woke in a cold sweat because (in my dream) as the election results had come in, the planet started spinning way, way too fast and people started flying off into space (like a tilt-a-whirl gone mad).  please vote responsibly, people!  

~ planning to: hit the “100 lbs. lost” mark by the end of the year.  that’s going to take a lot of work, but it’s *just* realistic enough to push for.

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[grateful for, today]

~ hot coffee, rainy days, nowhere else we have to be
~ perfect morning cuddles
~ a full sheet of stamps
~ disney movies
~ long, rambling chatter with really good friends
~ quick-knit projects and fuzzy yarn
~ hopefulness

[rainy tuesday mixtape]

~ hide and seek (imogen heap)
~ labelled with love (squeeze)
~ natural woman (carole king)
~ electric love letter (langhorne slim)
~ santa monica (everclear)
~ life on mars (david bowie. (sigh. i love david bowie.))
~ she just wants to be (rem)
~ stars (the weepies)
~ if i had a boat (lyle lovett)
~ never tear us apart (inxs)
~ find the river (rem)
~ keep feeling fascination (the human league)
~ can’t smile without you, perfect accoustic version (barry manilow, of course.)

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[random things: monday]

~ i’m continually haunted by that scene in Master Class where Maria Callas tells the students that you “have to have a look” or you’re nothing…. every season i try to assemble some kind of uniform that will transition from playground-mom to pie-baker to singer to cool city-walker to roll-around-in-the-grass photographer. as such, yesterday i bought boots, skirts, a little black jersey knit dress, the perfect warm-fuzzy sweater, and even (for the first time in years) a pair of really cute, well-fitting jeans. it’s amazing how much a nice outfit can lift your mood. particularly when you’ve bought it for amazingly, blissfully cheap.

~ so, cheap… how come nobody ever told me about Burlington Coat Factory? i mean, grandma used to tell me about it, and mom mentioned it a couple of times….but i just kind of figured it was JCPenney-lite (sorry, ma). but no! i bought my whole “fall/winter uniform” (Nine West boots, BCBG sweater, etc.), and the very most expensive luxury splurge item was only $50. it was absolutely intoxicating…

~ there are 5,763 toys and balls in this house. WHY do they have to fight over the same one? (and by “they” and “fight” i mean, “why does emma have to constantly try to steal the one oliver’s playing with?”)

~ we’re making playdoh today. and melting crayons in muffin tins. oh, and there are six apples begging to be made into pie, and a very pregnant neighbor who has graciously offered to eat the pie if i bake it.

~ oh, and speaking of crayons, Tito Thom sent the cutest crayons shaped like Dora the Explorer…which were an instant hit. BUT, every time one of Dora’s crayon-feet breaks off or (gasp) her little wax head becomes dislodged from the rest of her crayon body, THE KID FREAKS OUT. i have literally spent the morning gluing crayons back together.

~ yes, my life is very very glamorous.

~ just like heaven (the cure)
~ ripple (the grateful dead)
~ jane says (jane’s addiction)
~ maps (the yeah yeah yeahs)
~ burning ring of fire (johnny cash)
~ sugar magnolia (europe ’72 version)
~ sparkle (phish)
~ love will keep us together (captain & tennille)
~ both hands (ani difranco)
~ 32 flavors (ani difranco)
~ melissa (the allman brothers)
~ professor booty (the beastie boys)
~ power of two (indigo girls)
~ waste (phish)
~ warm love (van morrison)
~ shelter from the storm (bob dylan)
~ birdhouse in your soul (tmbg)
~ lover lay down (dmb)
~ what a wonderful world (louis armstrong)
~ to live is to fly (cowboy junkies)
~ don’t go breaking my heart (elton john & kiki dee)
~ the origin of love (hedwig)

yeah, it’s a random hobble-gobble of stuff… but hey! the pie’s in the oven, the kids are running around peacefully, the kitchen is clean, and i’ve been looking through some old memories. the wedding was such a joyful experience for us; a true celebration of love & friends & family. i’m still so overwhelmed when i think about it – how it lived up to every dream i had, and more – and i wish ALL our friends & family (including those we’ve lost since then, and those treasured new additions we’ve made along the way) could get together again to celebrate, relax, and laugh. it’s corny, i know….but i really really love the people in my life, and i’m so grateful we’ve made it this far.

~ emma, having peacefully and without incident skipped her afternoon nap, is asleep on the couch at 6pm. is this “sleep for the night” or “really inopportune nap time”?! i tried to wake her, but she opened her eyes, giggled, and put her head back down. it may also be worth mentioning that she took a bath (usually a bedtime thing, but today more of a ‘long gloomy day, let’s play mermaid-swimming-pool’ thing) at 4pm. hmmmm.

~ i’m completely obsessed with odd numbers. and left-handedness.

~ also? still obsessed with pie baking. miraculously, i haven’t gained a pound since “The Great Pie-a-Thon of ’08″ began. of course, i haven’t lost a pound, either, which means i’m still hanging onto 40 extra………

~ had the nicest NYC afternoon yesterday. adventured with brian & emma at the central park carousel, grey’s papaya hot dogs (did you know the Recession special has gone up?), window shopping for size 3T pleather snake-skin pants at z’baby, then met up with bear for magnolia cupcakes and a trip to the bookstore.

~ the morning wasn’t too shabby, either; bear didn’t have to be at work until afternoon (which meant a morning of sleeping in, cuddling and listening to music) AND i got my actor’s equity card. joining Equity been a dream/goal/thing of mine for, um…at least 15 years. so this is kind of a big deal.

~ the Reese’s peanut butter-flavored Whoppers candy is pretty good (i was gravely skeptical, since i don’t actually like the whopper-flavored whoppers, especially now that i know the brilliance of maltesers). oh, and while i’m on the subject of candy: caramel candy corn pretty much knocks my socks off. sooo good.

~ after re-reading the above. um….yeah, it’s pretty remarkable that i haven’t gained any more weight. in my defense, i do walk a lot. and adhere to the house policy of at least 20-minutes of dancing a day….

[currently listening to: the darker days/season's changing mix]

~the new (interpol)
~wish i was the moon (neko case)
~fake empire (the national)
~creep (radiohead)
~lover, you should’ve come over (jeff buckley)
~freedom ’90 (george michael)
~memory lane (elliott smith)
~vienna (billy joel)
~UB jesus (david byrne)
~this woman’s worth (maxwell)
~wicked little town (hedwig & the angry inch)