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oh, ha.
ha! hahahaha! lol!

the last few weeks have really handed it to me.
blows in confidence, shaky ground, simple things made unexpectedly difficult, situations beyond my control, personal attacks, misunderstandings, slow responses, illness and a busted-up immune system; nothing has been easy.

i’m throwing up a white flag.
i surrender. i declare myself powerless and grossly fallible. i admit that i’m not always my best self; rather seldom am i the person i want to be. i admit that i’ve been distracted, coasting on cruise control, not trying as hard as i thought i was at the time. i admit that despite years of trying and countless attempts to prove otherwise, i cannot be all things to all people; i cannot do it all, and i don’t want to do it all. i admit that i’ve felt left out, blue, confused, harried, frustrated, and defeated.

and now…i’m just going to laugh. i mean, it’s been one thing after another after another. i’ve faced it all with a numbly glazed stare, bruised but ready to take it. i’ve been frozen in place, braced for the next blow.

now, i’m just going to laugh at the funny patterns of all-or-nothing in my life. i’m going to laugh and connect and put myself back out there – my true self, my quirky, tries-too-hard, wants-it-too-much, emotionally-sensitive, intuitively keen self. i’m going to laugh and embrace every little good thing until the not-so-good fades a bit.

i’m going to laugh because it’s so much more fun than crying.
i’m going to laugh because i’m lucky, too. even in the midst of an unlucky-run, i know i’m blessed and lucky.

and i’m filled with love; time to let it flow.
xoxo

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