i shot my first roll of film when i was 9 (that infamous trip to washington DC with grandma). i got my first camera (purchased with ‘reward points’ from my parents’ credit card) when i was 13. i got my first nikon camera (a christmas gift from my parents; nikon because of the lyrics to the paul simon song kodachrome) in college, in celebration of my first time singing at carnegie hall. (i left the nikon on a chair in the hotel lobby three days into the trip. i’m still pretty sad about that loss.) Bear got me a really nice Minolta film camera as a wedding gift in 1999 (fyi: i got him a guitar). my first digital camera was a birthday gift from Bear in 2002. i took a photography class and sold a picture to a magazine in 2005, which planted the seed to someday “go pro”. i bought my first dslr (the bigger, faster camera) around the same time. i had a baby in january 2006 (have i ever mentioned this kid, emma magnolia?) and, even though i wasn’t particularly good at the time, realized that portraiture is the thing i love best. i’ve taken at least a picture a day (usually more like 20-100 pictures a day, sometimes as many as 500+ a day if we were somewhere beachy with great bokeh) for 99% of emma’s life. i did eventually go pro, and i did eventually get much better at portraits…these days i’m still taking the dailies of my kid, but i’m also doing newborn shoots and family shoots and even weddings.

to be honest, sometimes it’s been more of an addiction. to be honest, sometimes (although not always) it’s more fun to edit pictures of my own family than my clients. to be honest, sometimes i get bored by my own work, when the pictures get into a visual rut and all start looking the same. to be honest, sometimes i take good pictures straight out of the camera and sometimes i have to work a lot harder.

here’s the thing:
i genuinely feel happier, more centered, on days when i take good pictures. that twinkle in the eye, that memory captured, that little way a child slouches her shoulders when she’s studying something up close…seeing those moments caught in a picture gives me a rush of calm. finding a pretty new location, taking emma out for a photoshoot…these feel like secret little family missions. when emma and i are out together on a “mini-shoot”, we laugh and connect and get creative. sometimes she ignores the camera and just lets me do my thing. on (fortunately) rarer occasions, i trade lollipops for eye-contact. either way, it’s a moment shared between just the two of us, no matter how bustling the scene around us. it’s our “special time”; sometimes she specifically asks if we can go out and take pictures. i never refuse.

even the act of posting the pictures every day is special to me. we have family around the world that has “gotten to know” emma through the daily pictures, literally watching her grow day by day. i can look back by date and see exactly where we were (and what we wore) in past years. we have a record of our days, and it feels like a celebration of our everyday life.

today emma got out my tripod and one of her toy cameras and asked if she could take my picture (this particular camera no longer works, but she always pretends it’s a polaroid and “shows” me an imaginary picture after each shot). she set up her gear and said “one minute; i need to check the light”. she told me how to pose and when we were allowed to “switch cameras” (eg: when i was allowed to take her picture). it was just a silly little game, but it felt like was the next step in our photo journey together: emma as camera-lover.

if, despite the fact that she’s had a camera in her face since day one, emma grows into a person that knows the joy of finding the perfect shot, i’ll be so happy. because i’m telling you: sometimes getting lost in picture-taking is perfect therapy to combat the stresses of life. the world is more vibrant and fresh when you’re looking with your eyes wide open.

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maybe your zen isn’t found in taking pictures. maybe you can’t imagine looking forward to the same activity every day for years. whatever it is that really makes your heart sing, i hope you find what it is and take time to indulge as often as possible. truly.

xoxo

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[ps: here's the first 365-day project i did with emma. awww, my sweet smooshy baby; weren't those cheeks amazing?]