i want to be a good friend and a good wife and a good mother. i want to help. i want to heal. i want to comfort. i want to be included. i want to smell like figs and nutmeg and fresh spring blossoms. i want to have a lavender farm. i want to be a beekeeper. i want to know when the phases of the moon are changing, or at least stop letting the full moon sneak up and wallop me with emotion. i want perfect summer dresses and pretty pedicures. i want to stop feeling so helpless at the state of the world. i want change. i want time. i want sleep. i want energy. i want confidence. i want to walk barefoot on the sand, picking up perfectly smooth pebbles from the surf. i want to do some spring cleaning. i want to be successful. i want to be loved. i want to be myself, only better.

* * *

i’m working on big projects right now; everything’s happening at once. a big photo edit. a fun class project. a new song to learn. a cd that’s back in my hands and ready to be printed and (hopefully) sold. i want there to be more hours in the day, i really do. at the very least, i want to be a more efficient juggler, a more attentive listener, a better filler of the empty space.

happy weekend, friends. so much work to do, but i’ve got my mind set on a beach-day and a derby afternoon.