. . .

this was the year i set out to dream. more than anything, i’ve dreamed of clarity; what am i supposed to be doing with the things i’ve got? am i in the right place? how can i use my time and my talents and my interests in the best possible way? what am i supposed to do next?

. . .

i sing a lot of church music. i consider myself to be an intensely spiritual and faith-filled person. i don’t so much love Religion or the politics of Religion, but i do take this church music very seriously. i’m always very mindful that there are people listening who might really need to hear this right now, right here, and it is my honor to give it to them in an non-judgmental, sincere and hopeful way. i am fortunate to receive many compliments about the work i do, and i carry those words and people with me in every mass, wedding, and funeral i sing.

lately, though, it’s happened more and more that people come to me with a need. more than once, i’ve been asked for a recording of myself singing a hymn (or an ave maria), so that it might offer comfort to someone who is sick, or someone who is experiencing loss. usually, i’m not able to give them anything – i don’t have any solo recordings – and i’ve felt quite sad about this. unfortunately, making a good recording of a big classical voice (in this case: mine), can be expensive. i brushed off the requests, flattered but unable to help.

this summer, after a particular funeral, the priest was waiting for me with a woman from the parish. “it would have meant so much to [the deceased] that you sang today. he always used to talk about your voice and how much it moved him. this means so much to all of us.” she was in tears, and so was i. the thing is: i have no idea who [the deceased] was. no idea. presumably he was one of the regulars from my 6:00 mass, but beyond that i don’t think i knew him.

this one, though, wouldn’t get out of my head. as i was also knee deep in my “dream big! what am i supposed to be doing now?” project, a picture started coming together…

so. i’m recording a cd. straightforward renditions of comforting music. no fancy-schmancy arrangements, no over-production. just voice, piano, and what will (*fingers crossed*) be a clean, professional, honest recording. i hope to sell them and give them away. i want to sell enough to recoup the investment. i want to sell enough to defray the cost of giving the cd out to anyone and everyone who could use it. i think my biggest gift as a singer is my expressiveness, my sincerity. that’s what i’m hoping to capture (and release!) with this project.

it’s exciting. and it’s scary. my voice is not perfect; i secretly fear that my friends in the classical arts will notice all my vocal flaws (some of which i’ve embraced into nuance at this point). i secretly fear that people will think this is just a vanity project and roll their eyes. but overriding all the insecurity is a still, small voice saying “just sing. you’re supposed to just sing.”

so i am. my recording session begins at 6:00 tonight. send a little thought my way, friends.

xoxo

. . .

[unrelated pictures which also bring me joy:]