so here we are again, watching the week speeding past. this week is actually an easy one, as far as they go; no extra rehearsals and (unlike last week) no visits to the ER, but it still just flies by. i so often have this sensation that i’m forgetting something, that i’m in big trouble or someone’s upset with me because i’ve forgotten this mysterious something. and i’ve had this sensation on-and-off for so many years that i finally recognize it as just stress and fear of letting people down; i’m getting much better at brushing it off. still, there are some nights where i wake up in a breathless panic, convinced i’m late for a singing gig, have missed the commute-time, will miss a performance and thus end my career. my dear husband (who has lived through this same anxiety-nightmare of mine for so many years now) just calmly says “dear, look at the clock. it’s only 4am. you’re not late for anything. you’re just sleeping.”

i’m not sure what my point was in beginning this story, but i wanted to say that my priority is spending time with my family, cuddling my kid, spending afternoons at the playground before we lose light-filled afternoons for the winter, finding at least a few minutes to chat with a friend or send an email or leave a message, trying to get more sleep, finding my anxiety-free, guilt-free, autumn-mellowed self. the stress of not being able to do it all gets to me if i let it, and i find great relief in remembering that the little things are some of the most rewarding. i’m quite sure i’ll never look back on my days and say “i should’ve spent less time laughing with emma”, even though i know there are other things i should/could be doing.

many more apple-picking pictures to come, as well as city-pictures, bed-jumping pictures, first-haircut pictures, and dancing-pictures. but that all will come right after pancake-making, ballet, lunch, school drop, an appointment with my surgeon, school pick-up, a stop at the post office, and maybe some apple pie-baking. happy thursday, all.

[look at this picture from our first apple-picking adventure, two years ago. did i mention that time is speeding by?!]
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