Dearest Emma Magnolia,

Three years ago this week, your dad and i threw a party to celebrate the very idea of you. i can so vividly remember the thrill and restless anticipation; we’d painted your room, set up the bassinet, laid out your clothes, packed the hospital bag, washed all the bottles, stared in confused wonder at the breast pump (and then promptly replaced in the box, trusting i’d figure it out when the time was right), folded and refolded all the blankets… at the party we had Magnolia Cupcakes in your honor, handed out your first annual birthday mix cd (a tradition we’ve managed to continue thus far, putting together little collections of music that we want to share with you), and vowed to remember that everyone in our circle is in your circle too…. we built up our family that day, and our friends have really made sure they’re part of your life, too. that means a lot to us.

On tuesday, january 24, we woke up early. we were scheduled to be at the hospital (a planned c-section meant we got to help “decide” your birthday in advance) at 9:30. we stayed in bed, nervous and ready and cognizant of the fact that once we left the house that morning, life would never again be the same. trying to pass the hours, we found a karaoke channel on tv and sang along to The Gambler, Don’t Stop Believing, Eye of the Tiger….all good stuff. (emma, mommy does not normally sing karaoke under any but the most unusual circumstances. on that morning it passed the time perfectly and relaxed us to a point of readiness.) we got to the hospital, and due to other people’s emergencies and a very busy doctor, we waited and waited and waited for hours. with every emergency delivery that came in, we just counted our blessings and held our breath.

you were finally freed into the wide open world at 7:59 pm. beautiful, blissful perfection: a healthy baby girl. our emma magnolia mayne jose. our baby Bumble. our daughter. our love.

the three years since then have flown by. you are such a joyful child; i truly look forward to laughing and smiling with you every day. you are also strong-willed and somewhat shy, and this brings an intensity and challenge into our world, but one that is abundantly overshadowed by the magic that you spread. you love books and puzzles and artwork of all kinds. you love to dance (your newest moves are more gymnastic, as in “look mom! i’m doing the splits!”) and sing and play instruments. you are an adventurous eater (although your very favorite food is “Pickles!!!”) and love to help bake, mix, and cook. we have spent many perfect afternoons in the last year making pie, cookies, and cupcakes. you also love stealing sips of coffee and drinking “mickey mouse teef”, (which translates to Hot Herbal tea, served with a spot of milk in your favorite mickey teacup). we take you to nice restaurants and you are well-behaved. we take you with us on the Subway and you are attentive, calm, and patient. you like going to museums and visiting the Central Park Zoo. we walk the streets of New York together, stopping at the parks and playgrounds sprinkled throughout, and marvel at the comfort of You in Your City. you like watching tv (a super-mellow blue octopus named Oswald has a warm place in your heart), but love watching Princess Movies and playing dress-up. (you also like racing cars, toy story, and the They Might Be Giants ABC’s video…). your favorite books are Knuffle Bunny and The Cat in the Hat, and you treasure your books and your stuffed animals with equal (and lots of) affection. you get excited every time you see the new president and his family. you love the beach, and sometimes in the car will say “Oh, the beach! Good idea!” out of the blue, as if to propel us in that direction. you love dogs with such absolute overwhelming glee that it makes us sad we can’t have dogs in our apartment. you love running and climbing and jumping on a floor filled with cushions. you love wearing sunglasses, particularly mine. you love when i play The Spinning Song on piano and you run around (literally) in circles as the tempo goes faster, faster, faster. just when i think you’ll tumble from the running and spinning you say “play it again, mom! faster!”.

there are so many little moments i’d like to recount for you, normal kid-things and anecdotes that feel so special because you’re mine and we’ve shared them together. i do my best, with the camera and the things i write, to capture and hold these memories of who you are and how you’re getting there. if you remember nothing else from these years, i hope you remember that our lives are filled with love, and that you are surrounded (near and far) by people that love you.

the best, most spontaneous and heart-swelling thing is when you look into my eyes, wrap your arms tight around my neck and say “i wuv you, mom.”

i wuv you too, Lulu. more than you’ll ever know.

happy third birthday, my sweet darlin’.

[more pictures of our baby when she was a baby]